


Aloha Mai No, Aloha Aku

by zarabithia



Category: DCU (Comics), Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-02
Updated: 2005-12-02
Packaged: 2018-11-19 09:15:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11310345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zarabithia/pseuds/zarabithia
Summary: They bury Kon in Kansas. Kon hated Kansas.These are important facts to Tim.





	Aloha Mai No, Aloha Aku

**Author's Note:**

> This was written before Kon's death ... but there was lots of speculation at the time that he was going to die. So the details are not quite right, but the overall facts of his death and the devastation that happened to Tim as a result are correct. 
> 
> The quotes and translations all come from the Internet.

They buried Kon in _Kansas._ Tim hated that fact both because Kansas was so far awayfrom Gotham and because Kon _hated_ Kansas.But _they_ ignored the former and overlooked the latter.Tim wasn’t surprised, really.It never mattered to _them_ how much Kon despised being Conner Kent when he had been alive, so it was only natural that it wouldn’t have made any difference _now._

But it mattered to _Tim._ It mattered so much that he wanted to grab Superman and _shake_ him.Tim wanted to scream. . . or beg. . . the other man to understand that _Kon_ had sacrificed his life, not _Conner,_ and that he deserved to be laid to rest somewhere appropriate – some place where “Kon-El” could be engraved upon his tombstone.

Once, when it had only been the two of them alone in the Tower, Kon had shared his _pride_ and unmitigated _joy_ at having been given the name "Kon-El" by Superman.The title had been an acknowledgement that he was more than a mere clone.It had told Kon that he was _legitimate_ and _wanted._ For something to have been so important to Kon, it doubled Tim’s pain to know that it had slipped by unnoticed by Superman or the Kents.The name “Conner Kent” stared mockingly up at Tim from the stone.

He’d voiced protests, of course, following the battle.But Tim’s protests went unheeded.In the eyes of the world, _Robin_ had no claim on _Superboy_ that extended beyond friendship.The world was right, of course.Long ago, when it had mattered, Kon had made a choice between Tim and Cassie.He hadn’t chosen Tim. 

Later, when the original choice had mattered so much less, Kon had not chosen Tim again.When the final battle had come, Kon had glanced once in the direction of the universe endangering threat and clapped Tim once on the shoulder. Giving a wink he had said, “Sorry, Wonder Boy,”before sacrificing his life.

Tim wondered if he should feel bad about wishing Kon had chosen _him_ over the universe.He supposed it made him a horrible person, but the realization didn't ease the pain, nor did it keep him from feeling jealous of the ground that held Kon so far away from him.It was completely ridiculous to be jealous of _dirt,_ of course.But the fact that dirt was a completely non-sentient only angered Tim more because he know it was partaking in a privilege that Tim had wanted so much . . . _before._

The solitude of his mourning was broken by the sound of approaching footsteps. Though it has been a while since Tim stood at Bruce Wayne’s side, his self assured gait was familiar enough to make Tim have to fight down his annoyance even before he laid eyes upon the older man.His annoyance was born, in part, because this spot was where he came to mourn.More than a single tear has been shed on this ground, and Tim didn’t want to have to put on a brave façade for Bruce – not _here._

It also seemed wrong for Batman, who couldn’t _feel_ if his life depended upon it, to be at Kon’s gravesite.Kon had _felt_ with all the power that his Superman given DNA would allow – and more.

As Tim became aware of Bruce’s presence behind him, he was reminded that _the battle_ could have ended much worse. In addition to losing Kon, he could have lost Bruce, Dick, Babs, Bart, any of the other Titans. . . there were so many that he could have lost, Tim supposed he should be grateful that he merely lost one life that he loved.But there were so many superheroes that Tim didn’t love and so many that he didn’t care remotely about –if a life had to be sacrificed, why couldn’t it have been one of theirs? It was a horribly selfish thought, and one Tim wasn’t jaded enough not to feel guilty about, but he’d already lost so many that the unfairness of having to lose Kon too was just too much.God, he was only seventeen. How many more people was he going to have lose in hislife? All of Bruce’s psychoses make more and more sense with each passing year. “I understand why you do it, you know,” he said to the man standing behind him.

“Why I do what?” Bruce wasn't wearing the Batsuit.Tim could tell because of the sound of his coat flapping in the Kansas wind was much quieter than the Kevlar would have been.So he shouldn’t have been surprised to hear the “Bruce Wayne” voice instead of “Batman,” but he was agitated nonetheless.This was Kon’s gravesite, regardless of what the tombstone might say.It shouldn’t be clouded with pretense.

“Why you. . . don’t let people in.It can’t hurt as much as when they leave.”Tim was so very _tired_ of watching them all _go._

Bruce didn’t respond for a minute.But when he did, the voice that responded was pure Batman. “It can.” 

Tim supposed he hit a nerve, and he supposed that he should care, but he simply couldn’t. “I don’t actually believe you.” 

“You don’t have to.” 

_Well, fuck you too, Bruce._ “Why are you here?”

“I brought you something.”Tim accepted the slip of paper Bruce offered.It appeared to be a visitor’s brochure to Hawaii, which really just emphasized the wrongness of their location.Opening it revealed an airplane ticket. “I thought you might need some time alone.” 

“No.I have to. . . keep fighting the good fight. Kon died for _the mission._ ”

“I didn’t know Kon-El very well,” Bruce acknowledged, “But I knew him better than _that.”_

It was true, of course.In fact, given the ticket to Hawaii that’s in his hands, Bruce apparently knew Kon better than the people who _buried him._ And that _hurt,_ because Kon hadn’t loved Bruce the way that he had loved the people who had buried him.When he could find his voice again, he managed to ask, “Why do _you_ care? To you, he was always ‘The Clone.’”

It took a lot for Tim not to hate Bruce a little for having ever called Kon that. 

“I care because he was much more than that to you,” Bruce said quietly, and Tim can’t tell _which_ voice that was, “And because he gave his life to save our world.I’m grateful for that.”

“The rest of the world doesn’t _care._ It couldn’t be bothered to notice,” Tim spat.“To the world, he was just another hero who died fighting the good fight – someone who died in the line of duty.” 

“That’s exactly what he was,” Bruce countered, “Nothing _less.”_

The truthfulness of the statement _hurt,_ and for a moment, the hurt made the words on the tombstone blur, and in a moment of fleeting triumph, all Tim could see was the “O” and the “N.”The rest of the letters of the name that didn’t belong weren’t visible.

When his vision returned to normal, he became vaguely aware of Bruce’s hand on his shoulder.“It’s an open ticket.Smallville might be the last place Luthor would ever look for Kon-El’s body, but it’s probably not the best place for you to mourn.”

Tim could hear Bruce turning and walking away.He waited until those footsteps were no longer within hearing range before returning his gaze to the brochure.The front contained a beautiful Hawaiian beach at night.

//“And we used to have the best parties on the beach, man.There just isn't anything like a Luau in Kansas.” //

On the inside of the brochure were several Hawaiian “words of wisdom,” with the English translations written beneath them.One jumped off the page immediately: 

`Onipa`a.

// “My favorite Hawaiian saying is `Onipa`a.” 

“What’s it mean?”

“ ‘Stand firm.’ Whoever came up with that one was checking out the many benefits a Hawaiian beach has to offer.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Wonder Boy, you want to explain to very fast but not so swift here my meaning?”

“It’s really very simple, Bart.Kon’s a pervert.”//

In spite of himself, Tim giggled.He stopped giggling when he came to the next phrase on the list. 

_`A`ohe lokomaika`i i nele i ke pâna`i._

_ No kind deed has ever lacked its reward. _

Well, that was the complete and utter opposite of true, wasn’t it? Once upon a time, maybe Tim could have believed it.Maybe back when he’d first become Robin, back before he’d seen first hand the sacrifices each good deed he’d _tried_ to do required.There simply weren’t any rewards in kind deeds. 

_ // “Did you really mean what you said back there? About giving up being Robin, if you could?” _

_ “If it meant that there wouldn’t be any more crime, then yes.” _

_ “In that case, call me selfish, but I’m glad Gotham’s as much of a suck-fest as it is.Otherwise we wouldn’t have met.” // _

There was one last little saying on the bottom of the brochure, next to a couple sitting on the beach together.They looked so happy that Tim nearly shut the brochure without going on. But the part of him that kept wanting to dwell on what might have been read it anyway. 

_Aloha mai no, aloha aku;  o ka huhu ka mea e ola `ole ai._

_ When love is given, love should be returned;  anger is the thing that gives no life. _

Tim almost giggled again, but didn’t, because that giggle would have been the hysterical kind. _Batman_ had given him this brochure. _Batman,_ who had made a career and life out of being angry. _Batman,_ who had always told each Robin that holding onto their anger was better than forgetting. __

_ //”Sometimes you Bat people crack me up.You, Batman, even Nightwing.Sure, life’s full of crap, but there’s a lot of good.” _

_ “I’d tell you to stop channeling your inner Superman, but somehow I have the feeling that your definition includes naked girls, so it seems inappropriate.” _

_ “Among other things – friends, for one.Oh, and beaches, of the variety that they don’t have in Kansas.” _

_ “Let me guess. Hawaii?” _

_ “Absolutely.We should take a vacation someday and just go there.Sit on the beach, watch the babes go by and eat the greatest food the planet has to offer.” _

_ “I don’t have time for a vacation.” _

_ “No one has time for a vacation, Drake. You need to make the time.”// _

Even through the haze of pain, Tim could acknowledge that Kon had given his life so that their universe could continue. Regardless of what Tim had wanted, Kon wouldn’t have been able to live with himself if someone else had lost their life if Kon had been able to prevent it.There couldn’t be a greater love than _that,_ could there?

_ When love is given, love should be returned.  _

Part of Tim still wanted to head back to Gotham and study every method Batman had invented for shutting people out.But Kon had given his life, in part, so that the rest of the universe could continue to live theirs.If Tim cut himself off from the friendships he still had, the Tim Drake that Kon had known would have died with him.Tim _wouldn’t_ tarnish Kon’s memory that way. 

Tim stood abruptly. He figured that if he got to the airport within the next hour, he could make it to Honolulu before nightfall.There wouldn’t be any celebrations for Tim while he was there – it was still too soon.But he’d sit on the beach, he’d eat the food Kon had loved so much, and he’d watch the celebrations around him knowing that _someday_ he’d be able to join them. 

But not quite yet.First he needed to grieve, and Kansas really wasn’t the place to do it. 


End file.
